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Talking To Your Children About Sexual Abuse
Article was compiled and written by a Treated Sex Offender(5809265956)
The following is a combined list of different suggestions on ways to talk to your children about sexual abuse. The sources for this information are The Center for Behavioral Intervention in Beaverton, Oregon, also from the Colorado Bureau of Investigation’s: Convicted Sex Offender Web Site, as well as, the author’s personal experience in Sex Offender Treatment.
"No one wants to have to tell their children about sexual abuse. On the other hand, do you want your child to learn about it from a child molester?"
- Talk openly and often with your children about sexual development, behavior and abuse.
- Avoid scary details. Use language that is honest and age appropriate
- Use proper names or semi-proper names for body parts (penis and vagina), and phrases like: private parts are "private and special".
- Tell your children that, if anyone: touches or tries to see their private parts, tries to get them to touch or look at another person’s private parts, shows them pictures of or tries to take pictures of their private parts, talks to them about sex, walks in on them in the bathroom or does anything that makes them feel uncomfortable to tell you or a support ‘network’ person as soon as they can or the next time they see you.
- Tell your children that, some children and adults have "touching problems". These people can make "secret touching" look accidental (such as tickling or wrestling) and they should still tell you even if they think (or were told) it was an accident.
- Tell your children that touching problems are kind of like stealing or lying and that the people who have these kinds of problems need special help so they don’t continue to have problems or get into trouble. Don’t describe it as a sickness.
- Tell your children that some people try to trick kids into keeping the touching a secret. Tell your children that "we don’t want those kinds of secrets in our family"
- Give your children examples of things that someone might use to get them to keep it a secret; candy, money, special privileges, threats, subtle fear of loss, separation or punishment, etc ..go to
http://soinformation.1colony.com/
molesterslies.html for more information on lies that sex offenders tell children.
- Tell your children that touching other people’s private parts is not OK for ANY children or ANY adults to do to children . Tell them that you do
NOT want them to do "secret touching" with other people no matter who they are and that you will
NOT be mad at them if they do come and tell you it has happened. Even if it has been happening a lot. The important thing is to tell someone so it can be stopped.
- Talk to your children about safety issues at least twice a year. Develop a family plan for answering the phone, fire safety, getting lost and ‘secret touching’. Play ‘what if’ games with them all the time. This reinforces what they have been told and it lowers their (and your) uncomfortableness with these topics and helps to prepare your child for the real thing.
- Make sure their support ‘Network’ peoples’ phone numbers are by the telephone and/or in a place that your child has easy access to. Another good source for info is: www.stopitnow.org.
- Make it a point to know where Registered Sex Offenders live in your Community. Tell your children to avoid these people and to tell you if he/she initiates contact with them.
- Teach your child: DON’T take rides from strangers, DON’T harass or visit any sex offender’s home or yard; DO tell a safe adult if anyone act inappropriately towards them (e.g. creepy, too friendly, threatening, offering gifts in a secret way, or touching them); DO RUN, SCREAM, and GET AWAY if someone is bothering them; DON’T keep Secrets; DON’T assist strangers; DON’T go places alone, DO ask questions and Do talk about any uncomfortable feelings or interactions.
- Role play safety with your child.
- Get to know the people who are involved with your child who are in a position of trust, even a relative or close friend.
- Be aware of adults or older children who spend a large amount of their time with your child or if your child goes out of their way to avoid a person.
- IF you suspect your child has been abused ask them in a non-threatening way, assure them that they are not, nor will they be, in any kind of trouble or at fault. That you will always love them no matter what they tell you. Continue to reinforce this to them until they are ready to tell you. DO NOT pressure them - a child may take being pressured as a sign of being in trouble.
- Tell them that they don’t have to keep secrets. Many times shame will keep children silent.
- Reinforce all of these topics regularly with your child. Begin at the earliest age possible as this will help you and your child to be comfortable with these topics
- Most of all, trust your instincts. If you believe abuse is going on, act on that belief. You know your child and you know when their behavior changes. For more info on safety tips and Behavioral and Physical warning signs that a Child has been abused got to:
http://sor.state.co.us/you.should.know.htm
or
http://soinformation.1colony.com/childsafety.html
Additional sources and excellent guides for teaching your children about sexual abuse is A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman; for teens No Is Not Enough by Caren Adams, Jennifer Fay, and Jan-Loreen Martin; for adults By Silence Betrayed by John Crewdson.
Also, ensure that you get a copy of Protecting Your Children from Sexual Abuse: An Abuse Prevention Plan at:
http://soinformation.1colony.com/
preventingabuse.html
| Check this link often for more articles relating to sex offenders.
Sex offenders. who are they? Where do they come from? Why do they do
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